I Can't Even Let My Wife Give Me a Suppository — TMI Confessions

If I'm lucky, I should fight by July.

She's been getting over injuries.

Hopefully Thailand by the end of the year.

My coach is there right now just having fun with ladyboys and whatnot.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God, it's so great.

Every time.

Every time he calls me, he's just telling me stories.

But I'll leave that for another time.

Look, to each his own, but the two together is not for me, you know, unless, you know, if I met, like a gay billionaire and he told me, like, tony, come over my Ritz Carlton penthouse.

I have a penthouse for you in Hong Kong at the Ritz Carlton.

I'll sign it over to you.

A brand new Bentley.

And by the way, I'm a trained singer.

When I sing, I sound like George Michael.

And then he's like.

I'm like.

I'm thinking a Penthouse and a Bentley.

And, oh, he starts singing.

Oh, my God.

Careless Whisper.

Okay, me, I'm a little hairy.

Everyone can work with that.

Everyone.

Everyone has a number, Tony.

Everyone has a number.

I don't think just what the number is, but let's.

Let's start slow.

Kiss on the cheek.

That.

That's when they bumped the number.

It's like, we're going to cut all this shit, but I'm going to give you $2 million.

I feel like 2 million doesn't work anymore.

I feel like 2 million isn't worth it.

You can't even buy a house with 2 million half the time.

Well, you have to buy a house in, like, Victorville or something.

Yeah, there's inflation with, like, paying people off for gay stuff nowadays.

I feel like 30 years ago, you say, you give me a million dollars, I'll do whatever.

Now it's like, okay, give me $100 million and I'll consider it.

I tell you what people are how they are.

I don't think I can.

I can physically do it.

I don't think I could.

You don't have to do it.

You have to just sit there and let them do it.

When I have hemorrhoids, I can't even let my wife put the suppository.

I start.

She hurt.

It hurts.

Just a little suppository.

I'm like, look, I love you.

I paid all your bills this month.

Please.

I feel like you'd ask for the suppository even if you didn't have a hemorrhoid.

No, I try not to do those.

You know, my dad, rest his soul, used to have it really bad.

Mine comes maybe once or twice a year.

And it's really bad for me to have her do the suppository because I can't do it myself, right?

I can't see my butt even now I've lost my weight.

I mean, you can't do it.

You can find it.

You just gotta.

You know, it's like at night when you're looking for the outlet next to the bed, but the lights are off and you don't want to get off, and you're just, like, touching around.

And then you get the outlet and you keep trying to put it in, but you keep missing.

But.

But I wouldn't be able to even.

You got one hole, Tony.

It can't be that hard to find one hole.

But.

No, but then I can't do it.

I wouldn't be able to do it.

Like when sometimes when I go to county jail years ago, when I was a young man, I was a hothead, and they say cough, and you have to like, oh, they're looking.

Where are they looking?

They're looking.

Even the way you're saying it, Tony.

Just like, oh, no, don't check there.

Sometimes, I don't know, during the day I just start fanning myself.

What the am I doing?